Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
