Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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