He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
