Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
