they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
someone owes me an orgasm
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
