im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
