you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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