no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
