Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
