Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
