I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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