she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
