Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize