Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
