There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
