when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
are you so shy because you have an std?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
