we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
