I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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