Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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