wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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