you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
