even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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