"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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