I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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