it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
