her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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