I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
