this just has baby written all over it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
