Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
