I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
