I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
