I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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