who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
