Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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