apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ladies don't puke and tell
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
