and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
