The maid of honor just puked.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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