There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
