He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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