Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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