You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So squirting runs in the family.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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