I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
