I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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