Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
