Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
