This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
