They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
