take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
