Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
