my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
