you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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