I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
