based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
