I don't remember. Are we still dating?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I smell like Dick and happiness
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