Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
