you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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