im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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