Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
