I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
either way he was missing a nipple.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
