Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
