i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
