U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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