And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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