So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize