Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize