Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
