she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
