Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
