i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
