Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
