I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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