Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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