She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
