Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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