I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
