So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
