"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
this hospital has no fireball
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
